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The Psychology of Happiness Concepts for a Happier more Harmonious life Published every 7th and 21st of the month May 21, 2002 Circulation 1200 Issue # 15 Focus - The Psychology of Happiness This issue is dedicated to the book with this title by Robert Elias Najemy ^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ *May this issue find you well and happy on all levels of your being.* ^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ KNOW SOMEONE who would benefit from this important information? Forward it or Print it for them. ^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ You can view this and previous issues with greater ease by clicking here http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/ ^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ Unsubscribe instructions are at the end of this newsletter. ^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ * Forward this ezine or a particular article to a friend. * ** He or she may be very grateful to you. ** ************************************************************ May all live in peace, harmony and love. ************************************************************ All articles are from that book. ^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ => Editorial - What is Happiness ? ^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ => 1. Table of Contents for the book The Psychology of Happiness ^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ => 2. I Went Out to End my Life and Found it. ^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ => 3. You Are not the Target ^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ => 4. Coping with Emotions in the Present ^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ => 5. Attachments, Addictions, Preferences and Happiness ^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ => 6. Emotional Freedom Techniques seminars with Robert Najemy in the USA ^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ => 7. Subscribe/Unsubscribe information ^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ => Editorial - What is Happiness ? ^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ *** What is Happiness ? *** We all seek to be happy. When we meet someone, we ask, "How are you? Are you well?" This is our most basic need. Whatever we do, we do so because we hope that it will satisfy some of our basic needs and thus we will be happy. We experience happiness is when our needs (material, physical, emotional, mental, social, spiritual) are satisfied. Thus we have two ways of becoming happy. 1. One is to become more capable in manifesting what we want in life. 2. The other is to be able to be happy, even when we do not get what we want. We call this "transforming our attachments or addictions to preferences." Both of these processes are explained and examples are given in the book The Psychology of Happiness. All of the texts below we from the Psychology of Happiness which you can get from our site, from Amazon or by ordering from your local bookstore. ^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ => 1. Table of Contents for the book The Psychology of Happiness ^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ Table of Contents for the book The Psychology of Happiness Chapter Page Life Story no 1 Communication Problems 9 Chapter 1 How Reality is Created 12 Technique no. 1 Breathing out the Tension 18 Life Story no. 2 Anxiety About Grades 19 Chapter 2 Attachments, Attachments, Preferences 22 Technique no. 2 Hot bath or Massage 29 Life Story no. 3 Fear that he is having an affair 30 Chapter 3 How to Analyze and Emotion 33 Technique no. 3 Dancing our Emotions 40 Life Story no. 4 Alcoholic Father & Husband 41 Chapter 4 The Psychology of Evolution 44 Technique no. 4 Regular Exercise 52 Life Story no. 5 Mother-in-law 53 Chapter 5 The Seven Centers of Consciousness 55 Technique no. 5 Deep Relaxation 63 Life Story no. 6 The Absent Spouse 64 Chapter 6 An Outline for Managing Emotions 66 Technique no. 6 Writing How we Feel 73 Life Story no. 7 Self-evaluation 74 Chapter 7 Concepts and Tools for Self-transformation 76 Technique no. 7 Channeling Energy 81 Life Story no. 8 Self-suppression 82 Chapter 8 Understanding and Overcoming Fear 84 Technique no. 8 Emotional Release 97 Life Story no. 9 The Intimidator 98 Chapter 9 Understanding Emotions 101 Technique no. 9 Dealing with Criticism 112 Life Story no. 10 The Interrogator 113 Chapter 10 The Twelve Pathways - Getting Free 116 Technique no. 10 You are not the Target 123 Life Story no. 11 Aloof 124 Chapter 11 Being Here Now 127 Technique no. 11 Positive Projection 134 Life Story no. 12 The Victim 136 Chapter 12 Interacting With Others 139 Technique no. 12 Contemplating the Opposite Emotion 145 Life Story no. 13 Cannot Be Happy when others are not 147 Chapter 13 Awareness 148 Technique no. 13 Putting Ourselves in the Others? Position 155 Life Story no. 14 A Change in Program 156 Chapter 14 Positive Thinking 158 Technique no. 14 Guidelines for Positive Projection 175 Life Story no. 15 Perfect, Strong and Conscientious 177 Chapter 15 Why Some People Do Not Want to get Well 179 Technique no. 15 Transferring Attention to the Body 187 Life Story no. 16 Fears Concerning the Children 188 Chapter 16 Written Affirmations 191 Technique no. 15 Affirmations 202 Life Story no. 17 Parental Pressure 203 Chapter 17 Learning to Love Ourselves 205 Technique no. 17 Healing Love Energy 225 Life Story no. 18 Loud Neighbors 226 Chapter 18 Learning from Life's Difficulties 228 Technique no. 18 Repeating a Positive Phrase 243 Life Story no. 19 The Good and Righteous One 244 Chapter 19 Facing Loneliness 246 Technique no. 19 Spiritual Truths 255 Life Story no. 20 Weak incapable and Dependent 256 Chapter 20 Stages of Love 258 Technique no. 20 Meditation 266 Life Story no. 21 The Rebel 267 Chapter 21 Our Life Purpose 269 Technique no. 21 Resolving Emotions to their Source 276 Life Story no. 22 The Savior 278 Chapter 22 Reconciling Inner Conflicts 281 Technique no. 22 Selfless Service 297 Life Story no. 23 The Guilty One 299 Chapter 23 Healing Our Inner Child 302 Chapter 24 Forgivness and Freedom 316 Chapter 25 Coping with the Death of Loved One 328 Chapter 26 How to be Really Beautiful 342 Chapter 27 Energy and Emotions 347 ^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ => 2. I Went Out to End my Life and Found it. ^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ *** I Went Out to End my Life and Found it. *** I would like to briefly share with you how I came to write this book. I was 22 years old and had followed the socially dictated path towards happiness. I graduated from university and was working as a chemical engineer making plenty of money. What else could I want? I had all "ingredients" for happiness; a car, stereo, nice looking apartment, a girl friend or two. "Well, what else could you want, young man?" I was never more miserable in my life. I was experiencing a crisis in identity and life values during my first year out of engineering school, while working for an international chemical company. Although, I had done everything society told me to do in order to be happy; I had no reason for living. I had no idea why I was living or what was important. My life had no meaning for me. This crisis of doubt and confusion began to permeate every aspect of my life. I had thoughts like, "Is life completely relative? Is this all there is; fifty to eighty years of momentary happiness and unhappiness, working, sleeping, eating, enjoying sensual pleasures and then it's finished, as if it never ever existed?" "If so, then why go through it all? Why not commit suicide and finish it now, as there is no purpose to life? Why struggle, why be good, why take care of my health, why make any effort whatsoever to succeed if everything, that I would do and become, would sooner or later be consumed by the river of time?" Soon it became unbearable, and I decided that life really wasn't worth living. While sitting at a lake thinking about how I was going to finish my life, a strange set of experiences, which I have never clearly understood, involving a friendly snake which appeared and looked into my eyes for a considerable time before passing on, deterred me from my decision. Something was happening within me. A whole new world opened up. Suddenly I saw the world in a different light and a new hope had sprouted within me. The next day I informed my boss that I would be leaving in a month's time. He was shocked and wanted to know what I was going to do. The only answer I could think of was, «I'm going to take a year off and search for a meaning in life». What was I searching for? The answers to some extremely important but seldom asked questions such as: 1. Who or what exactly am I? 2. What I am doing here on this earth, in this body? 3. Why was I born in America and not in Africa or on some other planet? 4. Why was I born at all? For what reason? 5. Who or what is controlling the circumstances of my life? 6. What is the purpose of my life? What should I do with my life? 7. What happens after I die? Is that the end? 8. Is there such a thing as good and bad? Is life simply a chemical phenomenon or is there some spiritual entity behind all this? I will throughout this book refer to the answers which I have received concerning the above mentioned questions, but here let me simply categorize the meaning of life into four headings; Relationship, Creativity, Service and Evolution. These constitute the basic focal points that give meaning to most lives. 1. We find meaning in sincere loving relationships in which we transcend our fears and alienation and open our hearts to others unconditionally. These people give us a reason to live, and this is why departure from them is so painful. Our ultimate relationship, however, will be with the Divine. 2. Creativity is our basic nature. As expressions of Universal energy we are co-creators here on the earth level and creative expression is essential for our balance, happiness, self esteem and well being. 3. Serving or being useful to others gives is a reason to exist. We feel that our existence counts, that our life has a meaning. 4. Evolution or Self-Actualization is evident in all creation. We can improve our selves physically and psychologically, increasing our love, creativity, inner peace and happiness and live in greater harmony with our environment. We all experience within us forces pushing us to improve our selves. We clearly know that we can be happier and more loving than we are. We can manifest greater portions of our inner potential. We also experience the same inner pressure towards relationship, creativity and service. The ultimate meaning of life, however, will be found in the fullness of existence itself, without any other reason. However, as this requires an extremely high state of consciousness that few of us experience, this book shall investigate these more tangible sources of meaning and happiness. ^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ *** The Psychology of Happiness *** ** This book has enhanced over 20,000 lives ** You have so much to gain by ordering this book with a 30% DISCOUNT from Amazon by clicking here: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0971011605/holisticharmo-20 Or here for a 40% DISCOUNT by clicking here: http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/psychofhappiness.html Or ask your local bookstore to order it with ISBN number 0-9710116-0-5 ^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ ========================== Balance. Success. Joy. They're yours when you subscribe to the New Leaf. It's like having a free personal coach in your in box. Subscribe in seconds at http://www.mollygordon.com ========================== 8/9 ^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ ==> 3. YOU ARE NOT THE TARGET ^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ *** YOU ARE NOT THE TARGET *** (This is the name of a very wonderful and helpful book by Laura Huxley) Why this is so important ? Laura impresses upon us the fact that we are often not the targets of people's negative emotions and actions. Many people are simply unhappy, immature and unable to control themselves. They need to shout or complain in order to release their unhappiness. They need a place to put the blame, because they are unable to take responsibility for their lives. So they take their frustration out on others. They yell about little things and put the blame where it doesn't belong. When we take their words or behavior seriously, we feel hurt or angry. We suffer and then participate in furthering this cycle of negative energy. We all suffer. We need to be able to allow the others? negativity to pass through us and transmute it into understanding. This is a great test for our self-acceptance and inner security. A simple technique for gaining clarity is: 1. We first imagine that this person is a 5 years-old child (He may be emotionally). If a child did the same thing, would we be hurt or attack, or would we think, "Well, he?s only a child and he is upset, fearful and hurt", and show understanding? Showing understanding does not mean that we do speak with them, expressing how we feel or what we need from them. It does mean that we do not react in a violent or demeaning ways and that we do not feel hurt ourselves. We can look at them as children, and let them do their yelling and blaming, all the time remembering that they just need to get it out of their system. They are really not meaning to harm us but are using us as an avenue to release stress. 2. If, when they are finished, we can respond with a sympathetic and compassionate heart, we will have resolved a negativity which otherwise would have manifested within us as negative emotions, which we would then have passed on to others. 3. We need to remember that whatever they may say and however fearsome they may appear, what they are really saying is "Look at how unhappy and fearful I am." This is what we need to focus on. Note: We are not the target. We are in no danger. Be big and let it pass! ^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ Have a happier, healthier and more energetic you! Treat yourself and your family with good times, healthy, energizing ideas and great potential income. www.moms-connection.com Subscribe to newsletter: http://www.moms-connection.com/subscribe.htm Join the Momsteam: http://www.moms-connection.com/themomteam.htm (3/4) ^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ => 4. COPING WITH EMOTIONS IN THE PRESENT ^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ *** COPING WITH EMOTIONS IN THE PRESENT *** As some emotions may require time to be transformed or transcended, it is beneficial to be aware of various ways of handling those emotions in the present so they do not create problems in our bodies, relationships, or perhaps even in our work. We must, however, remember that such techniques do not constitute a permanent solution, but rather a temporary means for maintaining our balance and harmony. We present you with this chart so that you may locate more easily the method that might help you or another. They are described in small sections after each chapter. Some of the techniques that we might find useful, are: 1. Breathing and releasing. 2. Hot bath and massage. 3. Total bodily expression through dancing and other forms of movement. 4. Regular exercise for the body and breath. 5. Regular deep relaxation 6. Expressing our emotions through writing in the first or third person. 7. Channeling our emotional energy in various ways, such as crying, laughing, working, playing, enjoying recreation, etc. 8. Cathartic Release of emotions through crying, yawning, shouting and /or intense movement, such as hitting a pillow, etc. 9. Learning to deal more effectively with criticism and differences in opinion. 10. Bringing to mind the opposite positive emotion of the negative one that is bothering us. 11. Imagining that we are the other, and trying to feel what he might be feeling in order to act in that way. 12. Transferring attention to the physical body 13. Daily positive projection techniques. 14. Written Affirmations. 15. Remembering that life is a school, which gives us exactly what we need at every moment in order to learn our next lesson on the path. 16. Selfless service toward those in need. 17. Directing our Healing energy toward those in need. 18. The continuous repetition of a word, phrase, prayer or sound which brings our mind to a positive state. 19. Meditation. 20. Resolving emotions back to their source. (This is the basis of real transformation.) *^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ ***** MEMBER INTERACTION ***** Share with us your ways of understanding life. ^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ Recommend Clarity - The Psychology of Happiness to a friend! http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/clarity.ezine http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/clarity.ezine"> AOL Users Click Here ^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ => 5. ATTACHMENTS, ADDICTIONS & PREFERENCES **^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ *** ATTACHMENTS, ADDICTIONS & PREFERENCES *** Happiness exists within us. We cannot experience it, however, as long as we are searching for it outside of ourselves. When we are unable to manifest that to which we are attached or addicted, our minds experience pain, fear, jealousy, self-rejection and even anger. CAPTURING MONKEYS WITH BANANAS The following true facts about how monkeys are captured in Africa, India and South America will allow us to understand the power of attachment. A narrow-neck bottle is tied to a tree. A banana (or some peanuts) is placed in the bottle. The monkey sees the banana and very intelligently manages to squeeze its hand through the bottleneck and slip its fingers around the banana. When it tries to pull its hand out in order to eat the banana, it won?t come out because its hand, which is now holds the banana in the form of a fist, cannot pass through the narrow bottleneck. It pulls and pulls, but cannot get its hand out. It sees the trapper approaching him and tries to get away, but cannot, because its hand is wrapped around the banana and thus unable to get free from the bottle. Although it is obviously going to suffer under the hands of trapper, and the bottle and the banana are the cause of its demise, it never crosses its mind to let go of the banana so it can extract its hand and be free. The monkey literally becomes attached to the banana, and the banana, which was previously a potential source of happiness, has become a source of its suffering. We are like those monkeys. We have a variety of "bananas" in our lives to which we are attached, and although they create much suffering for us, we cannot allow ourselves let go of them. TYPES OF ATTACHMENTS The words addiction and attachment refer to any object, person, experience, role, quality or even idea that we believe we cannot be happy without. Unhappiness ensues when we do not have that particular thing we are attached to. We also experience unhappiness when, although we have what we want, we fear that we will lose it. For example, we might fear losing our love partner to someone else, or losing our health or money. We might be addicted to: receiving other people?s attention, being accepted, being loved exclusively, being cared for and protected by others, possessing power over others, being rejected, pursuing professional success, being the prettiest or the smartest, being spiritual, being right, maintaining order and or cleanliness, acquiring money and material possessions being the victim being in control being right being better than others being strong being weak and many other possibilities. We might be addicted to coffee, cigarettes, sweets, food, and sensual pleasures. Some of us are addicted to affirming our "freedom" in peculiar ways, such as shunning any disciplines, being unfaithful to a lover, or ignoring others? needs. None of these are wrong or bad. However, our attachment to them will create suffering whenever we cannot have what we desire. A CHOICE When we are attached to something we have not yet been able to manifest, we have two choices. 1. We can suffer because we cannot get the banana out of the bottle, and thus get trapped in a vicious circle of suffering and unhappiness. 2. We can allow our attachment to become a preference for the "banana" (any banana) which we will enjoy having but can live without. We can get so caught up in trying to force a specific "banana" out of a specific bottle that we become blind to the fact that there are hundreds of "bananas" lying around for our taking, if only we could just muster up the intelligence to let go of that which we are trying to force life into giving us. A good example of this is when we become attached to acceptance, approval or love from a specific person such as a parent, spouse or child. When we cannot get their affirmation, we feel hurt and angry. In our obsession for recognition from these specific persons, we lose sight of the fact that we have love, acceptance and approval from so many other persons. We are so focused on that which we cannot get that we are blind to what is offered so abundantly to us from other sources. AVERSIONS An addiction can also be expressed in the negative as an aversion towards something. That is, we can have an addiction to something not happening, such as the loss of some object or relationship, or receiving disrespect from our child, or being caught in a traffic, or being kept waiting at the bank, at the doctor or the bus stop. Addictions, aversions and attachments are the cause of our suffering. When we feel unhappy we can be sure that there is some attachment preventing us from feeling well. We believe we must have something we do not have, or get rid of something we do have. Simply put, we cannot accept what life is offering us. As we often do not have the power to change the world or the people around us, we are inclined to become unhappy, depressed, angry, jealous, fearful, hateful, bitter, etc. It is important to remember that it is not the life event that causes our negative feelings, but rather our addictive programming which prevents us from accepting that which we cannot change. PREFERENCES We do have a choice. We can change our attachments into preferences. We can prefer something to happen, but if it doesn?t, we can accept that and be happy without it. This does not mean we should not try to change whatever we can in accordance with the way we prefer things to be, but while we do this, we must accept the ultimate result. This is clearly a practical solution that needs to be employed once we have done everything within our power to improve our external circumstances. Thus the only lasting way to find inner peace and happiness is to change our internal programming. Remembering the following prayer by St, Francis will help. "Lord help me to change what I can, to accept what I cannot, and to know the difference between the two." THE BIRD ON THE BRANCH The following example might help us understand this balance. A tired bird rested on a branch for support. It enjoyed the view as well as the safety it offered from dangerous predators. Just as it had become accustomed to that branch and the support and safety it offered, a strong wind started blowing, causing the branch to sway back and forth with such great intensity, that it seemed it was going to break. The bird, however, was not at all worried, for it knew two important truths: The first was that even without the branch, it had its own power to fly and thus remain safe through the strength of its own two wings. The second was that there were many other branches upon which it could temporarily rest. This small example represents our ideal relationship with our possessions, personal relationships, and social and professional positions. We have the right to enjoy all these things. We can enjoy their support and comfort, however, we need not fear when they seem to waver under us and appear to be disappearing. All things in life are in a state of change and can disappear at any time. Our real strength lies not in those external ephemeral things, but rather in our two internal wings, LOVE and WISDOM. These will eventually become our security bases, our source of enjoyment and happiness. We can enjoy this material world without being suppressed by it because of our fear and dependence upon it. When we are dependent upon someone or something, we eventually become their slave and sacrifice our freedom. SECURITY ADDICTIONS There are basically four categories of addictions, which are related to our four basic needs: security, pleasure, freedom and affirmation - power. Our security attachments are relics from the thousands of years as primitive human beings. In those days, security in terms of food and shelter was not as easily fulfilled as it is today. Satisfying those needs occupied a great portion of our time, energy and thought. Instincts developed for the sake of survival of the individual and the species. If we were to once again find ourselves living in jungles, we might find these instincts useful. Few readers of this book are likely to be in danger of starvation or lack of shelter. Rather the opposite is more likely to be true. Most of us are unhealthily over-fed and physically weak from too much shelter from the natural elements. Yet, although these needs are satisfied beyond healthy limits, we continue to be preoccupied with them as addictions, accumulating more and more possessions, and eating far beyond our physical necessity. This creates weak and «dis-eased» bodies and minds. RELATIONSHIPS AS SECURITY We live in fear of losing those things upon which we depend for our feeling of security. This is especially so in the case of relationships. Relationships with spouses, parents, children, siblings, friends and employers or employees can offer us emotional and sometimes financial security. Many women, especially in the East, have been programmed to believe they cannot exist alone without their husbands or families, thus they live in constant fear of that possibility. When we are attached to someone or something, we become willing to suffer abuses and hardships because we are afraid of giving up whatever security we «think» we are receiving from them. We accept injustices through fear of losing our security base. Separation from all and everything is not only definite (at least at death), but even more probable when we are attached because we tend to attract what we fear through our continually thinking about it in a negative way. We can attract exactly that which we fear by having it so constantly in mind. If, in our insecurity, we fearfully believe someone will steal our possessions, we send out clear and strong subconscious messages into our environment and consequently attract thieves. We do not, however, create the others? reality through our fears. We do not cause loved ones to suffer or die because we fear that. Of course, by projecting such negative thoughts we do not help them either. When we feel weak and insecure, we deny our true inner immortal nature. We make ourselves weak and feel helpless to change our unhappiness. This seriously inhibits development and keeps us lost in negative emotional states like frustration, depression, anger, bitterness, hate, envy, jealousy and fear. We might then over-eat, smoke, drink, or take tranquilizers or other drugs in order to escape from the anxiety created by our unfulfilled security addictions. The truth is that total inner security can only be achieved by developing self-confidence and faith in our spiritual existence beyond the death or suffering of the personality and body. This will be discussed later. A first step towards reaching that stage is to discover our security addictions and transform them into preferences. PLEASURE ADDICTIONS All that we have said concerning security addictions also applies to pleasure addictions. The focus or motive may be different, but the result is the same. Our sensation addictions cause us to attempt to control the situations and people around us so we may obtain the sensual pleasure we desire. We are seldom successful in obtaining all the sensations we "need." We can rarely control circumstances so as to have all sensual stimuli, such as tastes, sexual experiences, or the specific visual or audio inputs, as frequently as we would like them. Even when we can, the pleasure we receive from having them is short lived. There is a saturation point after which the stimulus ceases to create pleasure. We then feel aversion toward the stimulus until our desire surfaces all over again. This keeps us constantly dissatisfied and unhappy, wasting considerable amounts of thought, energy, action, money and time on superficial pursuits. It also causes us to perceive people as objects of pleasure or threats to our pleasure. As in the case of security and power addictions, our love will be self-seeking and conditional. If those we "love" do not supply what we want, i.e. security, pleasure or obedience, we stop loving them and feel hurt and angry. Much of what we call "love" is actually addictive attachments motivated by needs for security, sensation or power. Very few of us, if any, love selflessly and unconditionally without looking for something for ourselves in the relationship. Sensation addictions are the cause of much unhappiness and conflict with our environment and others. We will be much happier when we transform these desires into preferences, when we prefer certain tastes, or experiences, or comforts. Then we are happy when we have them, but can accept not having them, if that is the situation life is offering at the moment. Then we will not become depressed or angry with those around us, when our pleasure needs are not fulfilled. It is natural that we need to find a balance between satisfying sensual needs and being free from them. This is not a matter of good and evil, right and wrong, or purity and sin. It has to do with freedom from mechanisms that limit our freedom, love and happiness. If we try to deny ourselves the pleasure we seek, we may become dry and lifeless in many ways, pursuing balance in perhaps other even less healthy ways. If, on the other hand, we are slaves to our desires, we can easily lose our health and happiness. POWER AND AFFIRMATION ADDICTIONS Power and affirmation addictions can also provoke emotions such as anger, fear, bitterness and conflict within ourselves and others. We seek in many subtle ways to manipulate others into behaving as we would like or as we need them in order to feel affirmed and powerful. We may do this with angry, aggressive words, with soft cajoling or by appearing weak, hurt, ill and helpless. The goal is to get things to be the way we want them to be, as opposed to the way the others would like them to be. When functioning under the control of such attachments, everyone is seen subconsciously as an entity to be controlled, or as a threat to our power. In such cases, true love is not possible. We can easily feel attached to a person who increases our feelings of power or self worth, but if that person decides to rebel, change, give affirmation to others, or prefer them to us, we might then suffer and lose our feelings of "love" for that person. Money is often used as an instrument of control. Parents often control their children by bribing them or withholding money. They may also withhold love and acceptance from the children as a way to manipulate their behavior. This results in negative consequences for both the children and the parents. It is simply impossible to love steadily while playing power games or being motivated by power addictions. It is also difficult to be happy, for there is no love or peace in such motivations. The result is argumentation, hurt feelings and alienation. On the other hand, As Ken Keyes, the author of the Handbook to Higher Consciousness, appropriately points out, it is important to remember, "You create as much suffering in the world when you take offence as when you give offence." In other words, we can play the power game from the other end by becoming the victim and wallowing in feelings of helplessness, bitterness and hate. This is an addiction to powerlessness, which becomes a good excuse for not taking responsibility for our own lives. FREEDOM ADDICTIONS A number of us fear that our freedom is in danger. This is a natural result of the fact that we have in fact experienced a lack of freedom at times in our lives or witnessed others who have. We have various ways of satisfying our freedom addictions. Some people feel "free" because they can smoke or eat or take drugs, others because they can have multiple sexual partners, others because they can buy whatever they like, others still because they refuse to do what others want or because they are rebelling towards the social norms. We seldom ask ourselves whether, in fact, we are free to be happy in all situations. Whether we are happy not to eat excessively, not to smoke, and not to take tranquilizers. Whether we are free to be true to one love partner or free to cooperate with others when we would like to. Whether we are free to employ the disciplines which will create the health, vitality and peace of mind we are seeking. Obviously, freedom to one part of our being might be slavery to another. We usually seek freedom from external obstacles rather than from internal ones, such as fears, attachments and addictions that limit our love, peace and happiness. Consequently our happiness is basically obstructed by our attachments. These attachments are created by certain beliefs we need to change in order to transform our attachments into preferences. Only then we will be able to seek and enjoy what we desire without losing our peace, love and happiness if we do not succeed. We also need to think seriously about the difference between attachment and love, between being with someone because we need them or being with someone because we love them. This is the essential difference between relationships based on co-dependency or co-commitment. We will investigate this later on. We deserve a happy and healthy life. (Adapted from the "The Psychology of Happiness" by Robert Najemy available at http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0971011605/holisticharmo-20 and http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/psychofhappiness.html. This book and other writings can be viewed at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com where you can also download FREE articles and e-books.) ^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ ***** - SPECIAL OFFER - ***** A 40% DISCOUNT "The Psychology of Happiness" by Robert Elias Najemy *** THE BOOK THAT HAS CHANGE 20,000 LIVES *** Click here http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/psychofhappiness.html Thus you will be receiving the book at your home for only $ 10.80 plus $ 5 shipping = $ 15.80 or from Amazon.com at 30% discount http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0971011605/holisticharmo-20 ^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ The Psychology of Happiness by Robert Elias Najemy The Psychology of Happiness penetrates to the heart of the subject of human happiness in a deep and yet simple, clear and understandable manner. It offers a variety of techniques, questionnaires and guidelines for creating happiness. It covers many subjects including: Psychology of Evolution, Managing Emotions, Overcoming Fear, Loving Ourselves, Facing Loneliness, Stages of Love, Reconciling Inner Conflicts, Healing Our Inner Child, Forgiveness and Freedom, Coping with the Death of Loved Ones. Included are 23 case histories - real life situations and the possible lessons, which we can learn from such and similar situations. ^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ Over 100,000 of Robert E. Najemy's 19 books have been sold in Greek, an impressive number considering the small population and reading tendencies of the Greek public. Some are translated into Portuguese, Persian, Polish, Arabic and German. ^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ ^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ SEMINARS For information about ongoing and also weekend seminars in the following areas email us or call the following numbers GREECE: (in Greek) - Continuously - call 010 6818220 or 010 6818151 CYPRUS: (Greek) call 5- 431616 or 2-772808 or 9 626198 LEBANON (in English) call 03 819818 USA: Robert may be offering introductory seminars in EFT in the New England area in August 2002. Specifically there will be seminars taking place in Massachusetts and in Vermont (close to New Hampshire)and . If you are interested email us at ren@holisticharmony.com If you would like to organize a seminar in your area communicate with us at ren@holisticharmony.com He will also be available for personal appointments. ^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ Visit us at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com or subscribe: * You are receiving this biweekly newsletter because you have become a member of the Holistic Harmony Network or you or a friend have requested a subscription for you. to subscribe click: subscribe@holisticharmony.com to unsubscribe click: unsubscribe@holisticharmony.com Those of you who are being confronted with serious Life Issues at this time are encouraged to try out our Life Clarification Process at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com ^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ Articles in this and previous issues can be viewed at http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/ ^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ Articles to look forward to in forthcoming issues: 1. What is Selflessness? 2. What is Real Love? 3. Forgiving Ourselves 4. DEALING POSITIVELY WITH THE LOSS OF LOVE ONES 5. ANXIETY ABOUT GRADES 6. Creating Harmony in our Hormones 7. Dealing With Criticism and Difference in Opinion 8. Positive Thought Forms - Beliefs Concerning Self-Worth 9. Breathe Freely by Removing Excess Mucus from the Body 10. Keeping the Vision Alive 11. WHAT CAN WE LEARN FROM THE DEATH OF A LOVED ONE 12. Create Happiness with a Positive Life Outlook ^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ Again we wish for you to be well and hope that you will care for yourself and your loved ones. May you be well on all levels of your Being. |
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