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CLARITY The Psychology of Happiness Concepts for a Happier more Harmonious life Published every 7th and 21st of the month April 7th , 2004 Circulation 2500 Issue # 60 Focus - Life Stories * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Forward or Print and share this with those who will benefit. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * You can view this and previous issues with greater ease by clicking here http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/ * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * You are receiving this because you have requested it. Removal instructions are at the end. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * All articles are by Robert Elias Najemy, unless stated otherwise * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Life Stories * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Life Story No. 5 MOTHER-IN-LAW * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Phillip¢s mother-in-law Olga has moved in. She tends to intrude into their lives, telling them what they are doing wrong and criticizing their behavior; especially concerning how they bring up their children. She is an endless source of unasked-for advice. She also plays the victim and is very successful at making both Philip and his wife Kiki feel guilty that they are not making her happy. She is never satisfied and almost always finds reasons why she is being treated unjustly. Phillip would like to make her happy, but she simply doesn¢t seem to want to. Fortunately both he and his wife agree that there is a problem. But neither knows what to do. The children are starting to rebel and have come into conflict with her a number of times lately. If in fact life gives us exactly what we need, what might he and his wife and children be able to learn from this situation? Possible Lessons: 1. To love and accept Olga as she is and forgive her for her weaknesses and negativity. 2. To express to her their needs and feelings more clearly, more lovingly and more assertively. 3. To free themselves from feeling guilty when they are not able to satisfy her needs or agree with her opinions. 4. To be able to say "no" without feeling guilty or believing that there will necessarily be a conflict, or that the she will stop loving them. 5. To cultivate the idea that the she can hear the truth and discuss any situation maturely like an adult. 6. To free themselves from childhood experiences in which they were programmed to believe that: a. Others would not respect their needs, or b. Would criticize them, or c. Would not be able to communicate peacefully. 7. To cultivate more positive feelings towards her. 8. To look for her positive qualities and see her as a test of their ability to love unconditionally. 9. To workout some types of practical agreements in which all feel that some of their needs are being fulfilled. Some beliefs that will help them cope with the situation: Phillip, Kiki and children may benefit from some of the following beliefs: 1. Each and every person is an expression of God sent to me to learn from and to love unconditionally. 2. Love requires honest communication. 3. I express my needs and feelings assertively, clearly and lovingly and deserve to be loved and respected when I do. 4. I am lovable and acceptable even when I cannot fulfill others¢ expectations. 5. Each is responsible for his or her own reality. 6. I am not responsible for her reality. 7. She is not responsible for my reality. 8. I love and help her as much as I can without getting caught up in how she responds. 9. I love her and understand her needs for attention and affirmation and give them to her in positive ways. 10. When she is negative, I perceive her need and fear and respond to them, and not to her negativity. 11. I am safe and worthy of love and respect regardless of her behavior. Olga may benefit from some of the following beliefs: 1. I deserve love and respect exactly as I am. 2. I feel safe and secure within my self. 3. I love and respect others and encourage them to follow their inner voice. 4. Just as I do not like to be criticized, I do not criticize others. 5. I feel my family¢s love even when they are not paying attention to me. 6. I fill my life with my own interests rather than with others¢ responsibilities. 7. I, and no one else, am totally responsible for my reality. 8. I allow others to maintain responsibility for their reality and their choices. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Case History No. 6 THE ABSENT SPOUSE * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Janice¢s husband Ted is seldom home. He prefers the office, the club and the bar. On the weekends he goes hunting with his male friends. She has made numerous attempts to get him to spend some time with her, but he does not respond. He doesn't say, "no", but always programs something else or tells her to stop suffocating him. It seems that he has some kind of aversion to being at home. Janice believes that he does not love her. The fact is that he does love her and would not like to lose her, but cannot control his needs, which are to be with his friends and out of the home. Ted had an extremely overbearing and controlling mother and didn¢t establish his freedom until he was about 22 years old. Although he loves Janice, he perceives her as an obstacle to his freedom. He has projected his mother onto her. He is unable to express this and simply avoids her. She on the other had a father who abandoned her. And now Ted is doing the same. The more he avoids her, the more demanding she becomes and then in turn, the more he fears being controlled by her. They are reliving their childhood programming and will need to liberate themselves in order to heal themselves and their relationship. Some of Janice¢s lessons might be: 1. To feel happy, fulfilled and worthy even when he is not there. 2. To communicate her need for him to be there more clearly, assertively and lovingly. 3. To love and accept him as he is, with his need to be away. 4. To search (perhaps with him) for what she might be doing which might be causing him to avoid her or his home. 5. Not to take this personally and realize that his need is not an expression of rejection nor a lack of love towards her, but simply his fear or need. 6. Not to measure her self-worth by the attention which she receives from him. 7. Not to nag about this, but to discuss it openly and without accusations. 8. To develop more personal interests to fill her own time. 9. Perhaps to join him in some of his activities that he feels comfortable sharing with her. 10. To get free from any beliefs that she does not deserve something better; or that this is the way it will be, because her father left her. 11. To express her needs more frequently and to think of interesting activities which they share. 12. To work on her relationship with her father, and the conclusions which she made as a child. Some of Ted¢s lessons might be: 1. To feel happy and fulfilled at home and with Janice 2. To be able to be himself with Janice and his mother. 3. To free himself from the fear of being controlled. 4. To realize that a relationship requires some energy and cannot be kept up in this way. 5. To focus on his love for Janice and express it in ways in which he feels safe. 6. To work on his relationship with his mother, and the conclusions which he made as a child. Some beliefs that will help them get free from these mechanical ways of interacting are: Janice might benefit from some of the following beliefs: 1. Fulfillment and happiness are within me and do not depend on anyone else. 2. I accept and love myself regardless of the other¢s behavior. 3. I express my needs and feelings assertively, clearly and lovingly. 4. Unity is not dependent on how much time we spend together, but how we feel towards each other. 5. Life gives me exactly what I need in each moment in order to learn and grow. 6. I feel safe and secure within myself. Ted might benefit from some of the following beliefs: 1. I love my wife and want to spend time with her and express my love to her. 2. I am free to be myself in every situation, even with my wife and my mother. 3. Freedom is an internal state. I am free to spend time at home and with my wife. 4. As I would not like to be alone at home, I choose not to leave my wife there alone. 5. I see all women as sister souls in the process of evolution. 6. I accept and love myself as I am. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Life Story no. 7 SELF EVALUATION * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Today Charles has discovered that his coworker Andy had a more successful professional year than he did. Andy sold more accounts and was commended and promoted by the company. Charles is not happy about this. He feels jealous. Behind that jealousy are feelings of self-doubt, self-rejection and anger at himself for not being more productive. He feels a failure. He was not feeling this way yesterday. His emotions are created by the fact of Andy's success, not by his own failure. No one in the company has said anything to him about not being productive. His employers are happy with him. Charles is creating his own negative emotions by comparing himself with Andy. Charles¢ father was very demanding and often told him he would not make it the world and compared him to classmates who had higher grades. He never compared him to classmates who were less capable. His father was very successful professionally and Charles felt that his self worth depended on his equaling his father¢s success professionally and economically. He gave up his interest in the arts to prove himself as a businessman. As a result, he is continuously comparing himself to others, seeking to establish his self worth. When he finds someone whom he evaluates as less successful, he feels very good. When he perceives someone as being more successful he is plagued by self-doubt. Some of Charles' beliefs that might be obstructing his happiness might be: 1. My self worth is dependent on how successful I am. 2. My self worth is dependent on how I compare to others. 3. My job will be in danger if I do not produce more. 4. I must be the best in order to be accepted and loved. 5. I must prove to others how worthy I am by being very successful. 6. I must prove to my father than I can make it in the world. Some beliefs that Charles could cultivate in order to find his inner peace are: 1. My self worth is in me and has nothing to do with how much I accomplish. 2. I and all other beings are unique and cannot be compared. 3. I feel safe and secure in every situation. 4. I love and accept myself in every situation 5. I am lovable as I am. 6. My self worth is based on my being and not on how much I do. 7. I am a divine creation. 8. I am a beautiful and lovable aspect of Divine creation. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Life Story no. 8 SELF SACRIFICE * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Susan suppresses herself in order to be accepted and loved. However, those around her don¢t do the same. She feels mistreated and believes that she is being done an injustice to, but he never shares this with others. For her, the others are not correct, because they treat her unjustly. She feels hurt and mentally complains and criticizes. She is very much in the role of the victim. On the one hand she believes that she must be the "good girl" who always says yes in order to be lovable and acceptable. On the other she also gets a feeling of self worth by being the victim and especially when the others are not "good". She feels her self worth when she makes sacrifices and others do not. She is the good one and the others are not. This has become her identity, her life role. Because of this, she cannot allow herself to be happy or enjoy life¢s pleasures. If she were happy she would no longer be the victim and then she would lose her identity and her self worth. She needs to be unhappy; only in this state does she feel safe and comfortable. Some of the beliefs that might be leading her into this role are: 1. I am not worthy. 2. I am a victim. 3. I am not lovable. 4. Others will love me only when I do things for them and sacrifice my needs for them. 5. Whoever sacrifices for others is "good" and worthy. 6. The victim is "good" and the abuser is "bad". 7. I do not deserve to enjoy what I want, or express my needs. 8. The more mistakes and faults I can find in others, the more I am worthy. 9. My self worth is dependent on what others think of me. Some beliefs that might liberate her from this role are: 1. I am worthy of love and respect exactly as I am. 2. I am the sole creator of my reality. 3. Others will love me even when I cannot respond to their needs. 4. A sacrifice with love is love. A sacrifice out of fear of rejection is no sacrifice. There are actually no sacrifices. There is only love and fear. 6. I am good as I am. 7. I deserve to enjoy what I like and to express my needs. 8. I accept and love all unconditionally - including my self. 9. My self worth is independent of what others think of me. 10. I am interesting and attractive without my problems 11. I communicate openly and sincerely in every situation. (These Life Stories are from the 23 presented in the recently released book "The Psychology of Happiness" (ISBN 0-9710116-0-5) by Robert Najemy . His writings can be viewed at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com where you can download FREE articles and e-books.) * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Upcoming Teleclasses with Robert * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Possible classes that you can view at: http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/teleclasses/index.asp * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Please check those you would like to be offered (Note: Checking the lessons below does not bind you or register you to follow them. You are simply indicating your possible interest.) Clicking on the links below will take you to internet pages with more information about each course. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ___1. More Effective Communication with Partners Three lessons. For more information http://www.holisticHarmony.com/teleclasses/compart.asp ___2. More Effective Communication Children . Three lessons. For more information http://www.holisticHarmony.com/teleclasses/comchild.asp ___3. Dealing Effectively with "Negative" People. Learn to be assertive with love. Two lessons. For more information http://www.holisticHarmony.com/teleclasses/negative.asp ___4. Clearing up the Confusion Concerning Responsibility in Relationships Two lessons. For more information http://www.holisticHarmony.com/teleclasses/respons.asp ___5. Overcoming Fears Three lessons. For more information http://www.holisticHarmony.com/teleclasses/fear.asp ___6. Discovering what we need to Learn from our Close Relationships. Three lessons. For more information http://www.holisticHarmony.com/teleclasses/lessons.asp ___7. Manifesting our inner potential and important goals. Two lessons. For more information http://www.holisticHarmony.com/teleclasses/goals.asp ___8. Increasing Self-acceptance Three lessons. For more information http://www.holisticHarmony.com/teleclasses/selfacc.asp ___9. Resolving Relationship Need Conflicts Two lessons. For more information http://www.holisticHarmony.com/teleclasses/conflicts.asp ___10. Dealing with the Death of Loved Ones. One lesson. For more information http://www.holisticHarmony.com/teleclasses/deathloved.asp ___11. Introduction to Energy psychology Three lessons. For more information http://www.holisticHarmony.com/teleclasses/energyps.asp ___12. Loving others (getting free from obstacles to love) Two lessons. For more information http://www.holisticHarmony.com/teleclasses/loveother.asp ___13. Forgiveness - the Road to Freedom (forgiving ourselves and others) Two lessons. For more information http://www.holisticHarmony.com/teleclasses/forgive.asp ___14. Reconciling and Healing our Inner conflicts Two lessons. For more information http://www.holisticHarmony.com/teleclasses/innercon.asp ___15. Freeing ourselves from being controlled by the roles others play. Two lessons. For more information http://www.holisticHarmony.com/teleclasses/rolesth.asp ___16. Getting Free from playing the roles we play to get what we want. Two lessons. For more information http://www.holisticHarmony.com/teleclasses/rolesour.asp ___17. Finding our life purpose Three lessons. For more information http://www.holisticHarmony.com/teleclasses/purpose.asp ___18. Pathways and Truths for Happiness Two lessons. For more information http://www.holisticHarmony.com/teleclasses/happy.asp ___19. Practical Introduction to Meditation Two lessons. For more information http://www.holisticHarmony.com/teleclasses/med.asp ___20. Attitude therapy Two lessons. For more information http://www.holisticHarmony.com/teleclasses/attitude.asp ___21. Twelve steps to Co-commitment in Love Relationships Two lessons. For more information http://www.holisticHarmony.com/teleclasses/relations.asp ___22. Helping the Dying to Pass Peacefully. Two lessons. For more information http://www.holisticHarmony.com/teleclasses/dying.asp ___23. Stages of Love One lesson. For more information http://www.holisticHarmony.com/teleclasses/love.asp ___24. Learning from Life Situations Three lessons. For more information http://www.holisticHarmony.com/teleclasses/lifesit.asp ___25. Self-Analysis through Questionnaires Four lessons. For more information http://www.holisticHarmony.com/teleclasses/quest.asp ___26. Relationships between the Sexes One lesson. For more information http://www.holisticHarmony.com/teleclasses/women.asp ___27. Healing the inner child Three lessons. For more information http://www.holisticHarmony.com/teleclasses/child.asp ___28. Developing human and spiritual values. Four lessons. For more information http://www.holisticHarmony.com/teleclasses/values.asp ___29. Positive projection techniques. Two lessons. For more information http://www.holisticHarmony.com/teleclasses/positive.asp ___30. Using Models and Parables to Emphasize our Points and Concepts. Three lessons. For more information http://www.holisticHarmony.com/teleclasses/parables.asp ___31. Perfecting Active Listening Techniques. Honing in on the issue. Three lessons. For more information http://www.holisticHarmony.com/teleclasses/activelis.asp ___32. How Reality is created and how we can create a more positive one. One lesson. For more information http://www.holisticHarmony.com/teleclasses/reality.asp ___33. Resistance to change for the better? secondary gains and how to work with them. One lesson. For more information http://www.holisticHarmony.com/teleclasses/resist.asp * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * View more at: http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/teleclasses/index.asp * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * About the coach: Robert Elias Najemy is an American author of 20 books that have sold over 100,000 copies. He is the founder and the director, for 27 years, of the Center for Harmonious Living in Athens, Greece with a membership of 3000 clients and 600 students. He has lectured over 25,000 hours and has produced over 500 cassettes and videocassettes with an abundance of information on human harmony. He has trained over300 life coaches, 40 of which now work with him at the Center for Harmonious living. He offers a Life Coach Training over the internet. http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/lifecoach/index.asp You can find over 800 of his articles, ebooks, cassettes and videos at: http://www.HolisticHarmony.com. His books "The Psychology of Happiness" and "Remove Pain" can also be found at Amazon.com You can also order his ebooks from http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/ebooks/index.asp * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Testimonials About our Life Coach Training For testimonials at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/#2 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * You can benefit by removing the energy fields of negativity and fear with Energy Psychology as described in the book Free to be Happy with Energy Psychology. (Also titled Remove Pain.) http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/eft/index.asp * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Did you know that subscribers to Bob Osgoodby's Free Ezine "Tip of the Day" get a Free Ad for their Business on his Web Page? Subscribe at: http://adv-marketing.com/business/subscribe2.htm Great Business and Computer Tips - Monday thru Friday Instructions to place your ad are in the Newsletter. 4/9 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Free email courses * * * * * * * * * * We have created for you FREE email Courses for improving your health, relationships, self esteem, love, forgiveness, happiness etc. Go to http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/courses/index.asp and click on the courses you would like to follow and you will receive one lesson a week for free. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * SEE IMAGES FROM OUR CENTER AND SEMINARS at http://www.holisticharmony.com/Myrrinounda/index.asp Over 85 photos for your interest * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ebooks by Robert Elias Najemy View them at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/ebooks/index.asp 1. Universal Philosophy 2. The Art of Meditation 3. Contemporary Parables 4. The Mystical Circle of Life 5. Relationships of Conscious Love 6. The Miracles of Love and Wisdom 7. Remove Pain - Physical and Emotional with Energy Psychology by Tapping on Acupuncture Points 8. Saram The Adventures of a Soul and Insight into the Male Psyche And available also at bookstores near you and also on our site 9. The Psychology of Happiness http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/psychofhappiness.html * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Guided Relaxation CD's and cassettes * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Guided Relaxation CD's and cassettes You can order them at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/store/cassettes.html Relaxation CD no. 1 with four guided relaxations for only $8 1. Light Healing - 2. Self Acceptance - 3. Inner Security - 4. 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An audio deep relaxation "Light Healing" for those whose computers support it.- click below to learn more! http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/holisticharmonycd.asp * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ***** MEMBER INTERACTION ***** Share with us your ways of understanding life. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Recommend Clarity - The Psychology of Happiness to a friend! http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/clarity.ezine http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/clarity.ezine"> AOL Users Click Here * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ***** - SPECIAL OFFER - ***** ** This book has enhanced over 20,000 lives ** A 40% DISCOUNT "The Psychology of Happiness" by Robert Elias Najemy Click here http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/psychofhappiness.html Thus you will be receiving the book at your home for only $ 10.80 plus $ 5 shipping = $ 15.80 or from Amazon.com at 30% discount http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0971011605/holisticharmo-20 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * The Psychology of Happiness by Robert Elias Najemy The Psychology of Happiness penetrates to the heart of the subject of human happiness in a deep and yet simple, clear and understandable manner. It offers a variety of techniques, questionnaires and guidelines for creating happiness. It covers many subjects including: Psychology of Evolution, Managing Emotions, Overcoming Fear, Loving Ourselves, Facing Loneliness, Stages of Love, Reconciling Inner Conflicts, Healing Our Inner Child, Forgiveness and Freedom, Coping with the Death of Loved Ones. Included are 23 case histories - real life situations and the possible lessons, which we can learn from such and similar situations. ^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ Over 100,000 of Robert E. Najemy's 19 books have been sold in Greek, an impressive number considering the small population and reading tendencies of the Greek public. Some are translated into Portuguese, Persian, Polish, Russian, Arabic and German. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * SEMINARS For information about ongoing and also weekend seminars in the following areas email us or call the following numbers GREECE: (in Greek) - Continuously - call 210 6818220 or 210 6818151 CYPRUS: (Greek) call 5- 431616 or 2-772808 or 9 626198 LEBANON (in English) call 03 819818 USA: If you are interested email us at ren@holisticharmony.com If you would like to organize a seminar in your area or If you are interested in attending a seminar in English at our retreat Center in Greece, communicate with us at ren@holisticharmony.com * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Visit us at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com or subscribe: * You are receiving this biweekly newsletter because you have become a member of the Holistic Harmony Network or you or a friend have requested a subscription for you. to subscribe go to: http://www.holisticharmony.com/smusermanager/login.asp?action=maillist Careful because the same button adds or removes you. 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